Real Time Web Analytics Foodie Gossip: April 2014

Wednesday, April 16, 2014

Fried Chicken Corsage? Fried Chicken Pizza? Make it Stop!

Deep-fried bacon-wrapped lard balls with a caramel center. Nasty thought, right? Hit pause and read on.
What’s the deal with these gluttonous junk food trends lately? I know very few people who don’t love them some culinary creativity, but at some point someone really should draw a line. Grilled mac & cheese, doughnut burgers … And now: Fried chicken is getting a reboot and taking center stage as 2014’s junk food super star. 
(*** Warning: The following contains graphic content. Viewer discretion is advised. ***)
Dominos’ Fried Chicken-crusted Pizza
Step aside, Chicken Parm – you’ve been out-matched! This boneless chicken product features a “delicious” combo of various toppings, fatty sauces and cheeses layered over 12 nugget-sized bites of fried chicken. They say “lightly breaded, white chicken meat”, but does that matter after the meat is enveloped in cheese and blubbery sauces? The four unique flavors offered include Crispy Bacon & Tomato, Spicy Jalapeno-Pineapple, Classic Hot Buffalo and Sweet BBQ Bacon. Let’s just call this grub what it is: Hangover food “super charged”.
Apparently Ramen hasn’t just situated itself into burgers of the modern age. Once a notoriously respected Japanese dish, that required at least 3 days and a lot of love to cultivate, Ramen has not just taken to infusing itself into mainstream junk food; Ramen has taken a hold of it and evolved gluttony into an entirely new art form. Introducing “Ramen-Fried Chicken”.  ‘Nuff said.
Meet the KFC Fried Chicken Corsage
Because, on the most important night of her youth, what every teen girl dreams of is an oily piece of food tied to her wrist, that gently brushes against her high-priced gown throughout the evening, and leaves greased-stained memories to last her a fortnight. Yeah… A fortnight. Because that’s how long it’s going to take her to realize that the joke is over and that dress that she was so proud to wear is now sporting that fast food stank no dry cleaner can get out. 
Last, but most definitely not least, introducing the…
Fried Chicken Slider
From Kobe burger to pork belly to, well, fried chicken. It seems as though slider trends are taking a turn of the carotid variety. It wasn’t enough to replace the sumptuously magical meat of Kobe with the ultra-saturated palatable pig product we call “pork belly”. No, instead some gluttonous kamikaze, out to make their mark, decided to come up with a deep-fried chicken sammy, slathered in cheese and sauce. After a long, wild night of partying, this cardiac-attack-on-a-plate-that-could-kill-a-marathon-man-in-a-single-bite may seem like a rationally wise choice of chow. However, we recommend chewing down 2 aspirin before sinking your teeth into a meal of Fried Chicken Sliders.
How would you categorize these fried-chicken-junk-food wonders? What’s next?
Deep-fried bacon-wrapped lard balls with a caramel center. That doesn’t sound so ridiculous now, does it?